Please read part 1 before you proceed with part 2 🙂 Your readership is much appreciated!!
Part 2: Depression
Another tear escaped from her eye as hot flames burned in her stomach. A wave of nausea pummelled her senses as she closed her eyes. She felt weak. She felt tired. She felt sick in every way possible – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
She couldn’t even pray for the pain to go away because she felt and knew that she’d brought it upon herself. Several months of binge-eating and throwing up had rendered her dehydrated and suffering from severe hypotension. The slightest sudden move sent her mind into crash mode. She’d fainted enough the times at home. The safest places for her were the bed and the couch. A work colleague had dropped her off at home after she’d retched and passed out in the corridor. The doctor had diagnosed her with severe dehydration.
“You’ve always been healthy at your check-ups,” the doctor had said. “And you aren’t pregnant. I don’t understand why your dehydration is so severe.”
She knew why but she wasn’t about to tell the doctor about her dietary activities.
She’d been reduced to drinking water and small sips of soup. Any other food caused the burning fire in her stomach to rage fiercely. A number of her friends would come and check on her. They were shocked to see her in such a state. She was Ms Put-Together. She was never stressed and she was never sick.
“Well, to hell with that,” she croaked. The apartment was empty and it wasn’t helping her sinking depression. She’d lost another four kg’s but it was starting to become meaningless. Her health was deteriorating but she just couldn’t stop. If she stopped throwing up, then the weight would come back. She didn’t want the weight to come back.
Tears were flowing freely. She’d tried to stop after having a heart-to-heart with one of her friends, Tamara, who was struggling with her own demons regarding weight loss. She was struggling to let go of starving herself for days on end then binge-eating after.
“Girl, you have been throwing up your food for over two months,” Tamara said firmly. “You have an eating disorder. Sort it out now before it becomes a real problem.”
But she hadn’t sorted it out and now she was really suffering. She struggled to stand up and stagger to the kitchen. She searched for pain killers and a sleeping tablets. She gulped them down before she could think of her carelessness. She knew she wasn’t going to die. She just wanted to sleep.
She staggered back to the couch and allowed sleep to take over.